I lost my wedding ring. I remember having it at work, and at one point taking it off to put on hand cream. Then, when i went to find it yesturday, I couldn't find it. Did I leave it at work? Will someone have found it and turned it in, or just have taken it.
My husband was so good about it when I told him about it. He was clearly upset, but saw that I was CLEARLY upset (i. e. crying and such), and did not make a big deal about it. "It is just 'stuff'", he said, "We can replace it". And, he was right. But, it was sentimental to us both. He told me later that he remembers the exact moment when he put the engagement ring on my finger on Hornby Island after asking me to marry him. He remembers me walking down the aisle on our wedding day. He remembers putting the wedding band on my hand to signify that we were joined as one. I have these memories too. Funny that "stuff" can end up meaning so much just because of what it signifies.
I tore our house apart thinking that there was NO WAY I could have left it at work! I had to have brought it home! Didn't I have it last night? Then why couldn't I find it now? I even looked in weird places for it, but to no avail.
I had finally given up, and was doing laundry. I was doing a load of whites and heard something rattling around in the bottom of the washer. What could possibly be in there? I wasn't doing jeans or something so there shouldn't be change (which I have also washed). And there it was! Lying at the bottom of the washer gleamingly clean, like the day I got it!!
I was so relieved! Not that we don't have insurance, we do. Not that we couldn't afford to buy another one, we can. Not that we wouldn't replace it, we would. But for what it MEANS. For the memories behind it. For the love we still share today and what the two rings on my finger (saudered together, so I lost both) signify to everyone who sees it - we are one.
I guess now I get the whole Christmas present thing. Sure, it stems from the tradition of baby Jesus getting gifts from the Wisemen (so they say). And, sure it is just "stuff". But, we buy the things we do for the people we do because of what they mean to us. If we can signify this in some way by getting them some little symbol (instead of gold frankinsense, and mur it is gold, an Xbox, and clothes), we think they will know just how much they mean to us. Maybe we should just tell them how much they mean to us? But memory is fleeting and sometimes the "stuff" is a reminder.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Busy sidewalks
Stumbling around in a sleepless, tired haze, I somehow managed to almost finish my Christmas shopping today. I have to admit, though, that I am a very LAZY shopper. I prefer gift cards to the real thing. Then, people can get what they want and I don't have to worry about them taking it back, and they don't have to worry about hurting my feelings if they want to take it back. For those I didn't by gift cards for, I would buy things that I liked and could see myself wanting. That is always the best gift, isn't it? If you think it is nice and would want it, why wouldn't someone else?
Then, I managed to drive back home, put this all away, and make baby back ribs and cheesy potatoes in the oven so my husband could come home to a fully cooked meal. God! Does that sound "Betty Crocker"?! I am not really so domestic, but I do like to cook.
All this with only about 4 hours of sleep! I was on Labour and Delivery last night. The sad thing is that I was BORED from 4pm until 11pm. Then, as per usual, all the babies were born after midnight. I may have had some energy today, but I definately didn't look it. At rounds first thing this am, people kept asking me if I had had "a rough night", and then at Costco, I ran into one of the nurses and she asked if I worked nights last night. Apparently, like my emotions, I am not so good at hiding my fatigue.
But December is always like that, isn't it. So busy busy. Parties, and working, and family and shopping, and decorating, and donating, and planning, and shopping, and parties, and working, and family...... As one of my friends put in on Facebook, "Fack, I need a day off!" I guess it is one of the reasons I am not such a fan of Christmas. It is really busy for not really that much pay off. My fav Christmas was the time my family all went to Cuba. No presents, no tree, no worries. But, we can't do that every year. And, now that it is up, my tree and decorations do look nice, so I guess it is OK.
One thing I do love about Christmas, though, is the music. I LOVE Chirstmas carols. My absolute fav is "The Chestnut Song" that and "O Holy Night". Everyone has a favorite, and I always find it interesting exactly which one it is.
So...... What is yours?
Then, I managed to drive back home, put this all away, and make baby back ribs and cheesy potatoes in the oven so my husband could come home to a fully cooked meal. God! Does that sound "Betty Crocker"?! I am not really so domestic, but I do like to cook.
All this with only about 4 hours of sleep! I was on Labour and Delivery last night. The sad thing is that I was BORED from 4pm until 11pm. Then, as per usual, all the babies were born after midnight. I may have had some energy today, but I definately didn't look it. At rounds first thing this am, people kept asking me if I had had "a rough night", and then at Costco, I ran into one of the nurses and she asked if I worked nights last night. Apparently, like my emotions, I am not so good at hiding my fatigue.
But December is always like that, isn't it. So busy busy. Parties, and working, and family and shopping, and decorating, and donating, and planning, and shopping, and parties, and working, and family...... As one of my friends put in on Facebook, "Fack, I need a day off!" I guess it is one of the reasons I am not such a fan of Christmas. It is really busy for not really that much pay off. My fav Christmas was the time my family all went to Cuba. No presents, no tree, no worries. But, we can't do that every year. And, now that it is up, my tree and decorations do look nice, so I guess it is OK.
One thing I do love about Christmas, though, is the music. I LOVE Chirstmas carols. My absolute fav is "The Chestnut Song" that and "O Holy Night". Everyone has a favorite, and I always find it interesting exactly which one it is.
So...... What is yours?
Friday, December 4, 2009
Beige and Colour People
I spent the day today with one of my longest (Iprefer this term to "oldest") friends. We talked about a lot of different things (cats and dogs, babies, relationships, scripts, etc.), but one thing we talked about at great length (and she herself has blogged about) was what she calls, "beige vs. colour people".
"Colour People" are those types of people who are expressive, boisterous, and loud. They talk with their hands and are animated. They sometimes do crazy things, like randomly burst into song, or dance. When they are around people, they leave the time spent with them feeling energized.
"Beige People" are the complete opposite. They are introverted and prefer alone time. They are quiet, subdued, and proper. They would NEVER burst into song, and may even be horrified if someone they were with did do. When they are around people, they leave the time spent with them feeling drained.
As much as there are some people who are TRUE Colour People or TRUE Beige People, I believe we are all a mix. Take me for example. My friend and her husband tell me that I am "one of them", a Colour Person. And I am. I do randomly burst into song or dance. I am sometimes loud, and always opinionated. I talk with my hands, and am very expressive (it is often hard for me to hide what I am truly feeling on my face). But, I work in a world where one needs to be beige, and so I do that too. I can have a meaningful discussion about Quality Insurance and patient safety. I can put my head down and work quietly. In another life, I am sure I would be pure colour, but there would always be the little Beige Person inside.
On the other hand, there are people whom I call "Closet Colours". They are the Beige People who have a little Colour Person in them who is screaming (or singing or cheering madly) to get out! They are the Rider fans who put a watermelon on their head and paint themselves head to toe in green, and then go back to their accounting jobs the next day. They are the people at parties who suddenly become so fun, a side of them you never see.
As I said today to my friend (although about a different topic), there needs to be balance. It is OK to be a Colour Person. It is OK to shout out, sing, and have fun! Be crazy once in awhile, take a tapdancing class, or a bellydancing class, or do a strip tease for your husband! Come on Closet Colours, you are in there somewhere and we know you can do it!!!
But, it is also OK to be a Beige Person. One needs quiet moments of reflection and time to work hard. It is OK to be alone and appreciate just yourself (plus or minus a cat or two) for a bit.
Remember, balance is the spice of life.
"Colour People" are those types of people who are expressive, boisterous, and loud. They talk with their hands and are animated. They sometimes do crazy things, like randomly burst into song, or dance. When they are around people, they leave the time spent with them feeling energized.
"Beige People" are the complete opposite. They are introverted and prefer alone time. They are quiet, subdued, and proper. They would NEVER burst into song, and may even be horrified if someone they were with did do. When they are around people, they leave the time spent with them feeling drained.
As much as there are some people who are TRUE Colour People or TRUE Beige People, I believe we are all a mix. Take me for example. My friend and her husband tell me that I am "one of them", a Colour Person. And I am. I do randomly burst into song or dance. I am sometimes loud, and always opinionated. I talk with my hands, and am very expressive (it is often hard for me to hide what I am truly feeling on my face). But, I work in a world where one needs to be beige, and so I do that too. I can have a meaningful discussion about Quality Insurance and patient safety. I can put my head down and work quietly. In another life, I am sure I would be pure colour, but there would always be the little Beige Person inside.
On the other hand, there are people whom I call "Closet Colours". They are the Beige People who have a little Colour Person in them who is screaming (or singing or cheering madly) to get out! They are the Rider fans who put a watermelon on their head and paint themselves head to toe in green, and then go back to their accounting jobs the next day. They are the people at parties who suddenly become so fun, a side of them you never see.
As I said today to my friend (although about a different topic), there needs to be balance. It is OK to be a Colour Person. It is OK to shout out, sing, and have fun! Be crazy once in awhile, take a tapdancing class, or a bellydancing class, or do a strip tease for your husband! Come on Closet Colours, you are in there somewhere and we know you can do it!!!
But, it is also OK to be a Beige Person. One needs quiet moments of reflection and time to work hard. It is OK to be alone and appreciate just yourself (plus or minus a cat or two) for a bit.
Remember, balance is the spice of life.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
In Saskatchewan
In Saskatchewan, we have huge skies.
We can see from horizon to horizon.
In Saskatchewan, we have four seasons.
From hot like the desert to cold like the Arctic.
In Saskatchewan, we relish the summer.
It is short, but it is so sweet.
In Saskatchewan, there is a sea of green.
We proudly support our teams.
In Saskatchewan, there is no band wagon.
We are loyal through and through.
In Saskatchewan, there is football.
Not just a game, but a way of life.
In Saskatchewan, we are family.
We are small and know a lot of each other.
In Saskatchewan, there is love.
Love of our province, and our people.
In Saskatchewan, there is support.
No matter who needs it, it will be there.
In Saskatchewan, we have many farms.
We feed all the world.
In Saskatchewan, we are proud.
Tough times has made us so.
In Saskatchewan, we don't shy from work.
Hard work had made us who we are.
We are few, but we are proud.
Proud and strong.
God bless Saskatchewan!
We can see from horizon to horizon.
In Saskatchewan, we have four seasons.
From hot like the desert to cold like the Arctic.
In Saskatchewan, we relish the summer.
It is short, but it is so sweet.
In Saskatchewan, there is a sea of green.
We proudly support our teams.
In Saskatchewan, there is no band wagon.
We are loyal through and through.
In Saskatchewan, there is football.
Not just a game, but a way of life.
In Saskatchewan, we are family.
We are small and know a lot of each other.
In Saskatchewan, there is love.
Love of our province, and our people.
In Saskatchewan, there is support.
No matter who needs it, it will be there.
In Saskatchewan, we have many farms.
We feed all the world.
In Saskatchewan, we are proud.
Tough times has made us so.
In Saskatchewan, we don't shy from work.
Hard work had made us who we are.
We are few, but we are proud.
Proud and strong.
God bless Saskatchewan!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
wasted resources
I find some people really frustrating. Health care is "free" in Canada (i.e. taxpayers pay for it) and universal. That being said, there are a few individuals who seem to use up a lot of our resources, and it just doesn't seem fair.
When someone comes in who obviously doesn't care about their own health, why should I care? I still do, don't get me wrong. I always care. I always treat everyone the same way and give good care, whether I truly think they deserve it or not.
It does, however, say something about our society when we are willing to spend thousands of health care dollars on IV drug users and their screwed up kids. Not to mention other scarce resources like blood products, or putting the health care workers at risk.
True, I only see the end product, not how they got to that place. Some would say we should be doing more for this population. We should be helping them befoe they get to this point. I agree, but again, I only see the end result. I only hear the lies about not doing drugs when there are fresh track marks on their arms. I only feel frustrated when it is almost impossible to get an IV because they have abused their veins so bad that there is just none left. Getting puked on, getting sworn at, and potentially having my life at risk if I poke myself with a dirty needle, all of this makes me angry.
Maybe this is the extreme. But are other types of people any better? How about the smoker who needs to have several thoracotomies because they now have cancer? Or the obese patient who needs a joint replacement? Or the drinker who has liver failure and the umteen complications with that? All of this makes me realize why universal health care is not so popular in the United States. Why should someone who is healthy and takes care of themselves (eating well, excercising, not smoking) pay for someone who seems to just not give a shit?
I feel like yelling! I feel like shaking those people! You almost died! Doesn't that count for anything?!
And, in the end they will continue to use, continue to smoke, continue to abuse their bodies, and I am left to clean up the mess.
When someone comes in who obviously doesn't care about their own health, why should I care? I still do, don't get me wrong. I always care. I always treat everyone the same way and give good care, whether I truly think they deserve it or not.
It does, however, say something about our society when we are willing to spend thousands of health care dollars on IV drug users and their screwed up kids. Not to mention other scarce resources like blood products, or putting the health care workers at risk.
True, I only see the end product, not how they got to that place. Some would say we should be doing more for this population. We should be helping them befoe they get to this point. I agree, but again, I only see the end result. I only hear the lies about not doing drugs when there are fresh track marks on their arms. I only feel frustrated when it is almost impossible to get an IV because they have abused their veins so bad that there is just none left. Getting puked on, getting sworn at, and potentially having my life at risk if I poke myself with a dirty needle, all of this makes me angry.
Maybe this is the extreme. But are other types of people any better? How about the smoker who needs to have several thoracotomies because they now have cancer? Or the obese patient who needs a joint replacement? Or the drinker who has liver failure and the umteen complications with that? All of this makes me realize why universal health care is not so popular in the United States. Why should someone who is healthy and takes care of themselves (eating well, excercising, not smoking) pay for someone who seems to just not give a shit?
I feel like yelling! I feel like shaking those people! You almost died! Doesn't that count for anything?!
And, in the end they will continue to use, continue to smoke, continue to abuse their bodies, and I am left to clean up the mess.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
unhappy news
I feel sorry.
Sorry about what happened.
Sorry you struggle so much.
Sorry I can't help more.
I feel sad.
Sad that you are hurting.
Sad you feel you have no one to tell.
Sad you are so far away.
I feel angry.
Angry that you never listen.
Angry that this keeps happening.
Angry that someone would do this to you.
I know that you, too feel this.
I can only try to feel hope.
Hope that it will work out.
Hope you will be happy.
Hope to see you soon.
Sorry about what happened.
Sorry you struggle so much.
Sorry I can't help more.
I feel sad.
Sad that you are hurting.
Sad you feel you have no one to tell.
Sad you are so far away.
I feel angry.
Angry that you never listen.
Angry that this keeps happening.
Angry that someone would do this to you.
I know that you, too feel this.
I can only try to feel hope.
Hope that it will work out.
Hope you will be happy.
Hope to see you soon.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
curling and age
We went to the OR Christmas Party last night. Usually we go glow bowling, but this year they wanted to do something different. So, they decided to go curling. OK, I have to admit I had some preconcieved notions about curling. It is not very exciting to watch on TV, and it seemed like a lot of older (sometimes overweight) people curled. How hard could it be? For that matter, how fun could it be?
Despite this, my husband and I decided to go and give it a try. He curled for a season or two in Med school, but hasn't been on the ice in years. At least he sort of knew what he was doing, I didn't have a clue! But really, that made it fun! I had no idea, but people were willing to teach me. And, we weren't really playing competitively, it was just for fun. We were all laughing at my lack of skills and totally ineptitude, as well as everyone else's. Most people had said that the last time they had curled was in high school. Did I miss that day? I really don't remember EVER going curling. In the end, it didn't matter. There were a few people who could really play, but the rest of us were just there to have fun.
We ended the night sitting around having a couple of drinks and chatting. There were some spouses of people who work in the OR who were there whom I had never met before. One of the spouses was on the opposite team to us, but really took me under his wing and was coaching me on how to play the game. My husband was talking to him after, making small talk. You know, asking him what he did, telling him what he did....
Then the man asked what I did, and my hubby told him that we did the same thing. He was so shocked. "You're an Anesthesiologist too?!" he exclaimed. It was like he just couldn't believe that this idot he had been teaching to curl could possibly be a physician, let alone an anesthesiologist! I just laughed. I think he thought I was about 22, and that my hubby was way older (and smarter, and mature).
I don't mind that people are amazed that I am a doctor, that they think I am too young. I worry (like everyone does, I am sure) about the wrinkles, and soft bits, and grey hair. To have someone be so surprised like that makes me feel good, like I shouldn't worry so much. I always say, when I stop hearing that, then I will be sad! So for now, they can be shocked that I look so young, my soul is still old.
Despite this, my husband and I decided to go and give it a try. He curled for a season or two in Med school, but hasn't been on the ice in years. At least he sort of knew what he was doing, I didn't have a clue! But really, that made it fun! I had no idea, but people were willing to teach me. And, we weren't really playing competitively, it was just for fun. We were all laughing at my lack of skills and totally ineptitude, as well as everyone else's. Most people had said that the last time they had curled was in high school. Did I miss that day? I really don't remember EVER going curling. In the end, it didn't matter. There were a few people who could really play, but the rest of us were just there to have fun.
We ended the night sitting around having a couple of drinks and chatting. There were some spouses of people who work in the OR who were there whom I had never met before. One of the spouses was on the opposite team to us, but really took me under his wing and was coaching me on how to play the game. My husband was talking to him after, making small talk. You know, asking him what he did, telling him what he did....
Then the man asked what I did, and my hubby told him that we did the same thing. He was so shocked. "You're an Anesthesiologist too?!" he exclaimed. It was like he just couldn't believe that this idot he had been teaching to curl could possibly be a physician, let alone an anesthesiologist! I just laughed. I think he thought I was about 22, and that my hubby was way older (and smarter, and mature).
I don't mind that people are amazed that I am a doctor, that they think I am too young. I worry (like everyone does, I am sure) about the wrinkles, and soft bits, and grey hair. To have someone be so surprised like that makes me feel good, like I shouldn't worry so much. I always say, when I stop hearing that, then I will be sad! So for now, they can be shocked that I look so young, my soul is still old.
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